Dear President Bush:

We, the undersigned, also known as Rich, Loyal Americans, and the Media Corporations who love them, wish to discuss the Million Turban Peasant March with you.

Rash Oompah, Boil O'Riled, and the vast majority of Corporate Media Sponsors are asking that you ignore the Afghanistan Million Turban Peasant March.

Of course, the Afghanistan Million Turban Peasant March cannot compare to the Marches we have had in our own country.

In the United States, we have had the Million Man March, the Million Woman March, and the 617,132 Black Man March.

We all know our marches are better than the Afghanistan marches.

We get our marches done in one day!!!

The Afghanis will be marching until next spring.

How ridiculous is that!

Some say that the Afghani people who are marching to neighboring Pakistan have shown the most resolve in the conflict between America, The Tail Banned, and Bin Laid yet.

By peaceably leaving Afghanistan, the Afghani Million Turban Peasant Marchers have made it easier for American Forces to get to Bin Laid Yet.

Some say it is ironic that more Afghanis will die in the Million Turban Peasant March out of Afghanistan than died in the WTC Tragedy.

Is ironic the correct word to use when we all know that 100 Afghani deaths barely equal one American WTC death?

The Afghani Million Turban Marchers will save the U.S. Army an incredible amount of money by getting out of the way and therefore making it easier for our troops to maneuver on Afghani ground.

The savings we garner from the Million Turban Peasant March out of Afghanistan should not be "rebated" back to the Afghani marchers...how could we rebate it anyhow, they don't even have a "Ralph's" or "Von's" discount card.

We'll just use the financial savings gained from the Afghani Marchers to send each American Soldier a six pack of beer....at $10,000 a six-pack.

Mr. President, do you really think we should rebate even 5% of the total savings we will realize due to the Afghani Marchers Voluntarily Leaving Afghanistan, just so we can feed and house the Afghani Million Turban Marchers while the war goes on?

We all know that one American life is worth a hundred Afghani lives, so anything over a 1% rebate to the Afghani Marchers is off the table.

Please keep your resolve in this matter, and don't give in to fuzzy math.

-This message has been brought to you by the Rash Oompahs, Boil O'Riled's and Corporate American Media Sponsors. Their opinions do not represent anyone else's...and I'm mighty glad to report that, unfortunately, they do own and represent the American Media.-


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Alex